Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
