I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
