i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
