Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
