; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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