I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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