yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
