We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
3pm strippers are depressing
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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