dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
