woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
