a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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