Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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