she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
