He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
