I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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