If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
