I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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