I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
