Don't make out with my wife yet
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
