doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
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I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
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