i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
