i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
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only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
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I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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