this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
