You really coming over, don't trick.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
