It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
So many bounce houses so little time
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize