I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
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