yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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