Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
