I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
