You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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