i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
