hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
ugly people sure do ruin things
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
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