I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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