Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
