Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
