so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
this boner is exhausting
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
