im about as happy as oj after his trial
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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