No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
