I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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