was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
