Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
