How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
