Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
