I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
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