i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
