Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
