omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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