And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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