I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
