Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
