There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
