What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
