I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
