Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
