Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
