so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
