You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
