I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize