they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
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he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
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The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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