nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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