You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
