I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
my poor anus
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
