y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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