Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
