i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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