i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
