Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
