Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
