i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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