mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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