The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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