What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I smell like Dick and happiness
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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