is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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