it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
