I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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